My Honest Poem

Hi,

My name’s Chris

I’m 25 years old

When I was a littlekid my mom would always call me kissy Chrissy

And I’m still embarrassed about it to this day

But it reminds me that I used to show all the love and affection that I had in my heart without worrying about what other people would say of it

I love ice cream… too much sometimes

I like laughing so hard until I make the whole room stare

And dancing like my demons can’t catch me

I let my eyes say the words that my lips can’t shape

My humour is scary

But my hugs are safe

I’ve been told that I’m soft

That I feel too much with my heart

So I’ve tried to make my muscles hard

And to feel with the strength in my grip

My closet is full of salmon colored shirts

But I don’t like to fish

In life I find myself

On a constant pursuit of happiness

I’ve got the words “you are enough” tattooed on my arm

But I still struggle to believe them

I’ve got a semi colon tattooed on my side because my story isn’t finished

Just like all the half-written suicide notes on my bedside table

The words “I am NOT enough” are tattooed all over those notes

It’s a constant battle between “I am” and “I am not”

Sometimes I give in to all the negativity that I have fought

And those are the days I can’t get out of bed

Those are the days I can’t get out of my own head

I often like to wear hawaiin shirts

as if sad people never wear flowers

I have so much self-doubt

But people who have seen me say I have super powers

They say my happiness is contagious

That my life is super couragous

I’ve spent times in my life being so low that I have wanted to die

But those times have taught me to keep chasing the feeling of being truly alive

To me, being truly alive means connecting with people. It means being with them in their darkest moments and letting them sit with me in mine

In those moments I feel Goodness and my heart perfectly align

And the happiness that I am pursuing

The happiness that we are ALL pursuing

May bring us together.

Author: becomingchristopher

20 something year old writing about an ever growing curiosity surrounding the presence of happiness.

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